I Wanna Be Sedated

Greetings from your friendly neighborhood enemy of the people! Golly gee whiz, it’s been an exciting winter. The outpouring of love for our fellow man demonstrated by the new occupants of the West Wing has been truly exceptional.
     Speaking of things presidential, the latest buzz has Oprah considering a 2020 bid for the White House. If successful, this would mean a member of the First Family lives on the East Side. Of course, it would also mean traffic disruptions when she visits Vernon, but I doubt it will be as bad as being cordoned off from downtown during a Titans game. Oprah would probably have a decent shot if she decides to go for it, since future presidents will most likely need celebrity status to win. We the People don’t have the time to go beyond name recognition for stuff like presidential elections. Thankfully, Oprah seems to possess a spirit of inclusiveness, so even the perpetually underserved demographic of middle-aged white dudes should do OK.
     Until then, we’ll just have to wait and see what the Supreme Leader has in store. We’ll be winning a lot, apparently. Wars? Winning. Trade? Winning. Late night comedy shows? Most definitely winning. I think the FBI should be investigating Late Night and SNL for colluding with Russian intelligence to swing the election. And while they’re at it, Lee Greenwood and Toby Keith, since the GOP loves trotting out their songs to get the juices flowing among the true believers, thereby giving them a royalty bump. Jingoistic lameness for the authoritarianminded. Closer to the truth, as far as the American mindset is concerned, would be something like The Ramones’ “I Wanna Be Sedated.”
     While we’re on the subjects of winning and sedation, the “War on Drugs” looks to be making a comeback. Yep, our new Attorney General hates potheads. He was cool with the KKK until he found out some of the members smoke weed. At least he has his priorities straight. I think it was Nixon who started the war on drugs some 45 years ago. It didn’t have much effect on drug consumption, but it was tremendously successful when it came to removing a vast number of Democrats from the voter rolls by throwing them in prison. Anyway, winning the “War on Drugs?” Good luck with that, pal. You might instead try being truthful when testifying before Senators.
     Unrepentant libtard snowflake Nixon also created the EPA. It’s about time a forwardthinking administration decided to take on the tree-huggers who continuously threaten us with a livable environment. After all, doesn’t it say somewhere in the Bible that the earth is ours to rape and pilfer for profit? Let’s build pipelines with American steel! Yeah, that’ll work. Alternative facts have found a new home, and it’s called the White House.
     It’s highly likely anyone who believes this president will bring back Main Street is in for a rude awakening. Main Street disappeared because of winner-take-all, laissez-faire capitalism. A cabinet full of billionaires probably won’t be very interested in changing that.

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